I tend to question things. Since I was a kid, I’ve always yearned to know the reasoning behind why there was truth to each thing I was told. If you’ve read some of my past devotionals on Fotia, you may have noticed that many of their titles are framed as questions such as “What is joy?” or “What is mankind?” For my final Fotia devotional, I’ve chosen to analyze the source of my queries: doubt.
Not all questions we ask in life are rooted in doubt. Many are asked as a means to grow in knowledge, or for the sake of clarification. However, doubt emerges once we begin to question beliefs that we’ve previously held firmly on to. For example, I first wondered what joy was because my concept of joy—my belief that Christians would grow to be inherently joyful—proved incorrect. Fortunately, as a result of doubting, I eventually learned that as Christians, God has given us a reason to be joyful, and it is our choice whether or not we would like to accept it.
As a missionary—and later a pastor’s kid—I learned about life through the lens of a Christian worldview. My parents thoroughly taught me the nature of God’s existence and relayed the remarkable true stories penned within the Bible. I believed it; I still do. But often I catch myself wondering—doubting—whether what I believe about God is the truth. In the past, those thoughts terrified me, and I ignored them. But lately I’ve realised that many other Christians often do or have occasionally doubted the Christian worldview as well. A tale so extraordinary as a being who lovingly created us and continually watches over us often sounds too good to be true. I barely can wrap my mind around the concept that God Himself became a man and willingly bled slowly on a rickety wooden structure just because He loved us enough to sacrifice Himself.
When Jesus died and people began proclaiming three days later that He had miraculously arisen, even His disciples—His best friends and most devoted followers—doubted the good news. Likely, they expected Jesus to powerfully free them of their earthly sufferings under the Roman empire, and when instead the Romans crucified Him, the disciples probably began to question whether everything Jesus had said was the truth. One disciple in particular, Thomas, outright refused to believe in Jesus’s resurrection, exclaiming that “unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe.” (John 20:25, emphasis mine).
Too often, I think like Thomas. I’ll desperately demand proof to support the validity of my beliefs. Someone telling me something is true rarely convinces me. Thus, I’d imagine that if I stood in Thomas’s shoes, hearing the news of Jesus’s resurrection, I’d doubt it too. As much as I would love for Jesus to have risen, I’m not sure I would trust the witness accounts of my emotionally exhausted friends. I’d forget all of Jesus’s teachings about the resurrection and instead simply doubt. Why? Because doubting is easy; but thankfully it isn’t detrimental.
After seeing Jesus with his own eyes and placing his hands in Jesus’s sides, Thomas believed. We know that he continued on as a critical apostle in Christ’s ministry and likely suffered martyrdom for his beliefs. Possibly within the years that followed Jesus’s resurrection, Thomas occasionally doubted and may have required encouragement from the Holy Spirit to continue maturing in his faith, but in the end he believed.
Likewise, I wholeheartedly believe in everything detailed within God’s Word, but I occasionally still doubt. In moments of weakness when my faith is challenged, I—like Thomas—expect God to somehow prove His existence to me. In those moments, I’ll try to remind myself of how I’ve witnessed God working throughout my life in the past, and I remind myself of Christ’s response to Thomas’s unbelief: “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” (John 20: 29).
Author’s Note:
I understand I only lightly addressed the topics of doubt and questioning Christianity. There’s so much more I could discuss within those topics, but honestly there’s also so much that I acknowledge that I still need to learn. Faith is a life-long journey, and I expect to both continue asking questions and mature as a Christian, strengthening my faith daily till my final breath. As I close my final Fotia devotional, I’d like to encourage readers to continue trekking through their faith journey. It’s seemingly impossible at times, but know that the Creator of the universe loves you and is encouraging you to continue pursuing His love.
By Miguel Paul
Image courtesy Naomi Brane